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Snide Guide to Farming

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Mr. Durden edited this page Dec 20, 2017 · 14 revisions

by theDoctor

Got some land and ready for independence? Sweet, you have arrived to that good old American pastime of subduing the Earth (at least that's how the Christians saw it). Giving a farmer an apple and he'll eat for a day, teach him how to live in farm and he will... Relax, you now have the guide to make yourself THE MASTER.

Table of Contents

Challengers

There are only two enemies to the farmer looking to perfect their lifestyle:

  • Foul Weather (Forces Above): Tumbleweeds are rolling in and you'll think you shouldn't've ever been a farmer. Rain doesn't appear and you think you must have upset God himself. Misstep: listening to the weatherman instead of cultivating your inner master.
  • Inactive Soil (Forces Below): Seeds don't take root or won't grow into usable foodstuffs. Misstep: worrying about the moon instead of relating to the Earth.
Everything else from farm design and seed selection to bookkeeping and economics is managed automatically through your own self-interest. These challengers are the elements that are outside of your control -- ready to sneak up on you if you don't respect and use the allies provided below.

Those who get defeated by the first adversary curse thier fate until the end of thier days. Those who get defeated by the second become content with tiny bounties and quietly wonder if farming was really ever meant for them.

But don't give up. As I said, there are allies...

Allies

Fortunately, yes, there are allies to make your life easier. Each is a crucible, a koan, to solve within yourself. There is no single path, but YOU have to find your own way, because no one else can choose these things for you without your ass getting owned -- by your implement provider, your seed provider, the insurance company, the government... ;^). Yes, indeed.

  • Father Providence: God vs. Own Effort
  • Mother Earth: Irrigate vs. Fertilize
  • Farm Community: Monocrop vs. Crop Diversity
  • Free Market: Artificial vs. Organic
These four are absolutely all that you need to be successful at farming. Don't listen to your bank, the radio, to even other farmers. You'll see, that it's not that hard at all and why you can make every nation on earth bountiful without government and corporate (GMOs) interventions.

Making a living

You can see from above, you have four relationships to manage. You can't get away from them without getting defeated by one of the enemies. So use them to their fullest -- they represent the complete array of farming types, each with their own benefits and drawbacks. These tips are the complete "seed" to growing your own Tree of Life and finding your place within the context of the world-at-large. Meditate on them until your own unique path is found.

  • Crops can grow for your family with the blessing of GOD (find his true name) or solely through your own efforts and ingenuity.
  • Germination of seeds can occur either through simple water activation and respecting the Sabbath or through fertilizers and love of the Earth.
  • You can make a self-sustaining farm through providing your local community with edibles or by simplifying your farm into a single crop and putting the yields onto the larger marketplace.
  • You can serve the World by catering to fickle market demands or by cultivating stewardship of the Earth through growing organically.

Conclusion

If you've tamed the first ally, you've become a partner with God and are a source of abundance. If you've tamed the second, you've eliminated your competition with insects and have beautiful plump harvests.

Together, they churn you in harmony with the Divine and make a better human out of you.

Now, you just need to restore Earth to paradise for humans and animals alike or at least leave it in equal condition that you found it for future generations. For that, see the guide "Permaculture and Terraforming" by Dr. Mark Janssen.

See also:

Category: Justice League

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