jokes.csv

id, question, answer
1, Why did the strawberry cross the road?, Because his mother was in a jam.
2, How do you keep a lion from charging?, Take away its credit cards.
3, What do you call a cow with a twitch?, Beef jerky
4, What is the best way to keep water from running?, Don’t pay the water bill
5, Where do cows go to have fun?, The moo-vies!
6, What time was is when the elephant sat on a chair?, Time to get a new chair.
7, What did the flower say to the bike?, Petal
8, Why do we not tell secrets in a corn patch?, Too many ears!
9, What do you call a crab who plays baseball?, A pinch-hitter
10, What is the clumsiest bee?, A bumbling bee
11, What kind of bean can’t grow?, A jelly bean
12, Whats green and fluffy and comes from mars?, A martian mellow
13, How does a man on the moon get his hair cut?, Eclipse it
14, What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?, Time to get a new fence.
15, What is green, red, and runs 100 mph?, A frog in a blender
16, How do you turn soup into gold?, Add 24 carrots (karats)
17, What do you do if a rhino charges you?, Give him your credit card.
18, Why did they bury the battery?, Because it was dead.
19, What do sneezes wear on their feet?, Ahh-shoes
20, What do wolves say when they are introduced?, Howl do you do?
21, What does a car run on?, Wheels
22, Who greets you at a haunted house?, A host ghost
23, Why did the farmer bury all his money?, To make his soil rich
24, Where can you find an ocean without water?, On a map
25, What do you call a horse that likes arts & crafts?, A hobby horse
26, Why do shoemakers go to heaven?, Because they have good soles
27, What do you call an avid gardener?, Herb
28, What happens when you cross a singer and a rocking chair?, You rock to the beat.
29, How do you mend a broken jack o’ lantern?, With a pumpkin patch.
30, What do you call a lease of false teeth?, A dental rental
31, Where did the kittens go on the class trip?, To the meow-seum.
32, What goes tick-tock, woof-woof?, A watchdog
33, What do astronauts eat for dinner?, Launch meat.
34, Why is the little duck always so sad?, Because he always sees a bill in front of his face.
35, What did they digital clock say to its mom?, Look mom, no hands.
36, What is the best way to raise a child?, In an elevator.
37, What is always behind the time?, The back of the clock.
38, Did people laugh when the lady fell on the ice?, No, but the ice cracked up.
39, What word is always spelled incorrectly?, Incorrectly.
40, What should you do if your dog is missing?, Check the Lost and Hound.
41, What have you seen that you will never see again?, Yesterday!
42, How do you catch a squirrel?, Climb a tree and act like a nut.
43, What did one penny say to the other?, Let’s get together and make some sense.
44, Why don’t lobsters share?, Because they are shellfish.
45, What did the little boy tell the game warden?, His dad was in the kitchen poaching eggs!
46, What do you call a chicken crossing the road?, Poultry in motion.
47, What do you call it when a cat sues another cat?, A Clawsuit.
48, What does an envelope say when you lick it?, Nothing. It just shuts up.
49, How can you tell the ocean is friendly?, It waves.
50, What’s brown and sticky?, A stick
51, What’s red and not there?, No tomatoes
52, What’s white and flies through the sky?, The coming of the lord
53, What do you get when you cross a turkey with a penguin?, A very cross penguin
54, What does a television have in common with a rabbit?, His ears!
55, What did the crop say to the farmer?, Why are you always picking on me?
56, What did the guy say when he walked into the bar?, Ouch.
57, How is a locksmith like a typewritter?, They both have a lot of keys!
58, What’s black, white, green and bumpy?, A pickle wearing a tuxedo
59, When was meat so high?, When the cow jumped over the moon.
60, What happened to the wind?, It blew away
61, What is a hermit?, A girl’s baseball glove.
62, Why does the man wish he could be a guitar player in a room full of beautiful girls?, Because if he was a guita player, he would have his pick!}
63, What is a cat’s favorite color?, Purr-ple
64, What did the tree say to the mountain?, Stop peaking at me!
65, What are sailors’ favorite fruits?, Naval oranges
66, Where does a penguin keep his money?, In a snow bank
67, What did the boy chip say to the girl chip (crisp for the Brits)?, Let’s dance and I’ll dip you.
68, Why do bees have sticky hair?, They use honeycombs
69, What did the art dealer say when a man asked what a picture was supposed to be?, A reflection of you.
70, what did the girl sea say when the boy sea asked her for a date?, Shore
71, What falls down but never gets hurt?, Snow
72, What kind of brush do you use to comb a bee’s hair?, A honey comb
73, How do you get a peanut to laugh?, You crack it up
74, Why did the reporter go into the ice cream shop?, He wanted to get the scoop
75, Why was it hard for the geometry teacher to walk?, She broke her angle
76, What do you call a monkey who loves potato chips?, A chipmonk
77, Why did the ghost float across the road?, Because he couldn’t walk.
78, What kind of star could hurt you?, A shooting star.
79, What has four legs and goes booo?, A cow with a cold
80, What is a caterpillar afraid of?, A dogerpillar!
81, Who has the strongest underwear?, Arnold Short-sineger
82, Why did the elephant decide not to move?, Because he couldn’t lift his trunk.
83, What is yellow, has wheels and lies on its back?, A dead school bus
84, Why did the man throw his margarine?, he wanted to see the butter fly
85, What did the finger say to the thumb?, I’m in glove with you (heather’s favorite)
86, What do you get when you cross a shark and ‘Flipper’?, A fat shark.
87, What did the lamp say to the other lamp?, You turn me on.
88, Why did the chicken go to the library?, To check out a bawk, bawk, bawk,bawk.
89, If a woodchuck had a name, what would it be?, Chuck Wood.
90, Which are the stronger days of the week?, Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.
91, Which runs faster, hot or cold?, Hot. Everyone can catch a cold.
92, What’s yellow and writes?, A ball point banana.
93, Why did the turkey cross the road?, To get to the chicken
94, What did the man say when the picture fell on his head?, I’ve been framed!
95, Did you hear about the mummies who went to the theater?, They gave the actors stage fright
96, What did the sink say to the water faucet?, You’re a real drip
97, Where do pigs park their cars?, In a porking lot
98, Why did the banana leave the cinema?, The film didn’t appeal to him.
99, Why did the little cookie (biscuit) cry?, Because his mother was a wafer so long.
100, What do you call a hot dog in a bun?, An in betweenie weenie.