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Annotated_Jimmy Kimmel Live - Feb 20.en.txt
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Y3671Y YI0Y DICKY FROM HOLLYWOOD ITS JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE!
TONIGHT REGINA KING.
FROM THE PUNISHER JON BERNTHAL.
THIS WEEK IN UNNECESSARY CENSORSHIP. AND MUSIC FROM JUANES.
AND NOW IN ALL SINCERITY JIMMY KIMMEL!
VERY NICE.
HI EVERYBODY HOW YOU DOING?
WELCOME TO HOLLYWOOD.
APPRECIATE THAT.
HEY I HAVE A STORY. SO LAST NIGHT LAST NIGHT AFTER THE SHOW I HOSTED A CONCERT. IT WAS A BIG CONCERT AT THE FORUM.
IT WAS A TRIBUTE TO THE LATE GREAT CHRIS CORNELL. WERE YOU THERE?
IS THAT WHY YOURE YELLING? THE LINEUP WAS INCREDIBLE.
IT WAS CHRIS STAPLETON.
ADAM LEVINE METALLICA FOO FIGHTERS. AMAZING.
YOU HAD FUN GUILLERMO? A LOT OF FUN.
Jimmy GUILLERMOS LIKE HEY ARE YOU GOING LIKE COME WITH AT ONE POINT IN THE NIGHT IT WAS TWOTHIRDS THROUGH THE SHOW AT ONE POINT IN THE NIGHT IT WAS TWOTHIRDS THROUGH THE SHOW AND SOMEBODY YELLED WHERES GUILLERMO. SO I GAVE GUILLERMO A SHOUT OUT I SAID GUILLERMOS HERE.
AND THE WHOLE FORUM ERUPTED IN CHEERS. ITS LIKE THE SAME REACTION THEY GAVE BRAD PITT. SO I GO BACK STAGE AND TEXT GUILLERMO. I WANTED TO KNOW WHAT HE THOUGHT. AND WHERE WERE YOU WHEN YOU GOT THE TEXT I SENT YOU? I WAS AT HOME.
Jimmy HE WAS AT HOME. AFTER METALLICA HE DITCHED US GOT IN A UBER AND WENT HOME.
APPLAUSE HE IS DESPERATELY TRYING TO PIN BLAME ON THE SHUTDOWN ON THE DEMOCRATS. HE WROTE TOTALLY UNHINGED.
THEY NO LONGER CARE FOR MA IS RIGHT FOR THE COUNTRY.
HES JUST AS GOOD AT SPELLING COUNTRY AS HE IS RUNNING IN IT.
AND HE SAID IF SHE WANTED TO GO SHE COULD FLY COMMERCIAL TO A WAR ZONE. AND HE SENT THE LETTER LESS THAN AN HOUR BEFORE SHE WAS SUPPOSED TO LEAVE.
IT WAS THE EQUIVALENT OF YOU BREAK UP WITH ME? I BREAK UP WITH YOU. I BET HE WAS SO DELIGHTED WITH HIMSELF WHEN HE CAME UP WITH THE IDEA. AN OFFICIAL FROM THE WHITE HOUSE SAID HE SPENT THE DAY WATCHING COVERAGE OF IT AND WAS VERY PLEASED THIS AFTERNOON.
THIS IS FROM CNN TODAY. PHIL MATTINGLY STOPPED STENY HOYER LIKE THIS.
HOLD ON ONE SECOND. HERES HOUSE MAJORITY LEADER STENY HOYER TALKING ABOUT WHATS GOING ON.
Jimmy HOLD ON A SECOND.
DESPERATE TIMES I GUESS. YOU KNOW IF THE DEMOCRATS CANT CONVINCE TRUMP TO END THIS SILLY SHUTDOWN I THINK I KNOW SOMEBODY WHO CAN.
A LOT OF PEOPLE TRY TO MAKE SENSE OUT OF THIS.
THE CLEAREST VOICE IVE HEARD ON THE SUBJECT SO FAR BELIEVE IT OR NOT CAME FROM CARDI B. HEY YALL I JUST WANT TO REMIND YALL.
ITS BEEN A LITTLE OVER THREE WEEKS.
ITS BEEN A LITTLE BIT OVER THREE WEEKS.
ALMOST 800000 FEDERAL EMPLOYEES ARE NOT GETTING PAID.
AND EVERY NIGHT UNTIL THIS IS OVER WERE HIRING A FURLOUGHED WORKER PER NIGHT.
LAST NIGHT WE BROUGHT IN A NASA ENGINEER WHOS OUT OF WORK. LETS SAY HELLO TO OUR NEW EMPLOYEE TONIGHT.
LETS WELCOME ANDREW RAGOPPOLIS.
THANK YOU FOR COMING. TELL US WHAT YOU DO SPECIFICALLY.
IM A STATION RANGER AT CABRILLO NATIONAL MONUMENT.
Jimmy WE STILL HAVE NATIONAL PARKS CORRECT? WE DO.
Jimmy THATS A GOOD SIGN RIGHT?
Jimmy NOW WE DONT HAVE MANY PLANTS BUT IF YOU SEE ANY WATER THEM. OKAY.
Jimmy THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
APPRECIATE IT.
CHEERS AND APPLAUSE OH ANDREW.
I FORGOT WE HAVE TO GIVE YOU THIS.
HE MADE A CRAZY APPEARANCE ON CHRIS CUOMOS SHOW.
IF WE DIDNT HAVE IT ON VIDEO IT WOULD BE ALMOST TOO MUCH TO BELIEVE. THE AMOUNT OF FALSE REPORTING ABOUT THIS CASE IS DESPICABLE.
FALSE REPORTING IS SAYING NOBODY IN THE CAMPAIGN HAD ANY CONTACT WITH RUSSIA.
FALSE REPORTING IS SAYING THERES NO SUGGESTION OF ANY KIND OF COLLUSION BETWEEN THE CAMPAIGN AND ANY RUSSIANS BECAUSE NOW YOU HAVE PAUL MANAFORT GIVING POLL DATA.
YOU JUST MISSTATED MY POSITION.
I NEVER SAID THERE WAS NO COLLUSION BETWEEN THE CAMPAIGN OR BETWEEN PEOPLE IN THE CAMPAIGN.
YES YOU HAVE.
NO I HAVE NOT. I SAID THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. THERE HAS BEEN NO EVIDENCE THAT THE PRESIDENT HAS COMMITTED THE ONLY CRIME THAT COULD BE COMMITTED HERE CONSPIRING WITH THE RUSSIANS TO HACK THE DNC. Jimmy NOBODY IN THE TRUMP ADMINISTRATION EVER SAID ANY OF THE THINGS THEY SAY ALL THE TIME. BUT THERE MUST BE ANOTHER RUDY GIULIANI OUT THERE WHOS BEEN GOING AROUND SAYING THERE WAS NO COLLUSION BETWEEN RUSSIA AND THE CAMPAIGN. IS IT STILL THE POSITION OF YOU AND YOUR CLIENT THAT THERE WAS NO COLLUSION WITH THE RUSSIANS WHATSOEVER ON BEHALF OF THE TRUMP CAMPAIGN? CORRECT. Jimmy CORRECT.
SO HE DID SAY IT.
GO ON RUDY.
THE PRESIDENT DID NOT.
THE GUY RUNNING HIS CAMPAIGN WAS WORKING ON AN ISSUE AT THE SAME TIME AS THE CONVENTION. HE SAID HE DIDNT. HE DIDNT SAY NOBODY.
HOW WOULD YOU KNOW THAT NOBODY IN YOUR CAMPAIGN. HE ACTUALLY DID SAY THAT RUDY. THEN HE SAID NOBODY THAT HE KNEW.
Jimmy THE TRUTH IS IT DOESNT MATTER WHAT RUDY GIULIANI SAYS HES NOT THE ONE BEING INVESTIGATED YET.
WHAT MATTERS IS DID THE PRESIDENT SAY THERE WAS NO COLLUSION BETWEEN THE RUSSIANS AND HIS CAMPAIGN.
THERE WAS NO COLLUSION BETWEEN THE TRUMP CAMPAIGN AND THE RUSSIAN PEOPLE. Jimmy YEAH.
WHAT DID YOU MEAN? HOW MUCH LONGER?
HE JUST PUT OUT THAT HIS CAMPAIGN CHAIRMAN WAS PLAYING WITH THE RUSSIANS.
WE DONT NEED A SPECIAL COUNSEL TO INVESTIGATE A CAMPAIGN CHAIR. Jimmy POOR RUDY.
SOMEDAY HES GOING TO BE IN A MENTAL FACILITY TELLING PEOPLE THAT HE USED TO BE THE MAYOR OF NEW YORK AND PEOPLE WILL BE LIKE UHHUH.
APPLAUSE SO IN THE MEANTIME WHILE THATS GOING ON THERE WE HAVE NEW INFORMATION ABOUT THE PRESIDENTS FORMER LAWYER MICHAEL COHEN.
ACCORDING TO THE WALL STREET JOURNAL IN THE LEADUP TO THE RUN FOR PRESIDENT HE HIRED AN ONLINE COMPANY TO RIG POLLS IN HIS FAVOR.
COHEN SAYS THE PRESIDENT DIRECTED HIM TO USE TWO POLLS. EVEN THOSE DIDNT WORK OUT.
NOT ONLY DID HE NOT WIN EITHER OF THE POLLS I THINK HE DIDNT EVEN CRACK THE TOP 100.
HIS NAME IS JOHN GOGGARD.
THIS TAPE HE MADE TRYING TO GET ON SURVIVOR IN 2005 TELLS YOU ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW.
IN MY LINE OF BUSINESS I DEAL WITH PEOPLE AROUND THE GLOBE ON A DAILY BASIS.
THIS HAS GIVEN ME THE UNCANNY ABILITY TO MAKE ANYBODY LOVE ME.
LITERALLY EVERYONE AROUND TRUMP IS A CHARACTER FROM A REALITY SHOW. AND THAT IS NOT EVEN THE BEST PART OF THE STORY. SO COHEN ALSO ASKED THE GUY WHILE HES DOING THIS TO SET UP A TWITTER ACCOUNT CALLED WOMEN FOR COHEN.
THIS IS A REAL ACCOUNT CREATED BACK IN 2016.
ITS FOR QUOTE WOMEN WHO LOVE AND SUPPORT MICHAEL COHEN. STRONG PITTS BULL SEX SYMBOL NO NONSENSE.
BASICALLY COHEN ASKED THIS GUY HELP ME RIG THE ELECTION WHILE YOURE AT IT COULD YOU MAKE PEOPLE THINK GIRLS LIKE ME TOO?
BECAUSE I LOVED THIS I CLICKED TO SEE WHO WAS FOLLOWING THIS ACCOUNT AND SOME OF THE WOMEN FOLLOWING HIM ARE NAMED ELVIS JOHN TED SONNY WE ALSO HAVE STEVE AND BILL. AND THESE ARE SOME OF THE THINGS THEY TWEETED.
SNAZZY LOOKING AND READY TO MAGA. BEST LOOKING LOVE AWARD GOES TO HEART EMOJI. WE LOVE YOU GUYS. THIS HAS GOT TO BE THE SADDEST THING IVE EVER HEARD OF IN MY LIFE.
WERE A WEEK AWAY FROM HEARING TO SEND DIRTY TEXTS TO HIMSELF.
HE MIGHT BE A LOT MORE HILARIOUS THAN I EVER IMAGINED.
I DONT KNOW IF YOU HEARD ABOUT THIS.
BUT YOUTUBE ARE YOU FAMILIAR WITH YOUTUBE? YOUTUBE IS CRACKING DOWN.
THEY ANNOUNCED THAT THEYRE BANNING DANGEROUS PRANKS AND CHALLENGES FROM THEIR PLATFORM.
THEY POSTED THIS DANGEROUS PRANKS AND CHALLENGES POST UPDATE. HI EVERYBODY.
YOUTUBE IS HOME TO MANY VIRAL CHALLENGES AND PRANKS LIKE JIMMY KIMMELS TERRIBLE CHRISTMAS PRESENTS PRANK.
THANK YOU.
OR THE WATER BOTTLE FLIP CHALLENGE.
SOMEBODY WHO LIKES A GOOD PRANK AND LIKES TO DO THEM ITS SAD THAT A FEW BAD APPLES HAD TO RUIN EATING POISONOUS DETERGENT PACKETS FOR EVERYONE.