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road not taken |
stories about people at a crossroad and the path chosen for them
my grandparents were married for 58 years. my grandma was only 18 years old; i don't think she remembers life w/o him. they used to write poems to each other into their 50s and 60s. since my grandfather passed away in 2007, my grandma has continued to write to him every time she visits. this was the stuff of fairy tales and happily ever afters. then who was komatsu?
my grandpa, born in 1920, was 10 years older than my grandma. when they married, granpda was already 28, quite old by the standards of the time. there was a rumor that there was someone else before they married, so on a recent trip home, i asked, "grandma, grandpa was quite a bit older than you. did he have any relationships before you two were together?"
"yes, he did." she answered so quickly that i wasn't ready with a follow up question.
"umm, did you know who it was? was it serious?" i asked sheepishly. maybe i was prying into something that didn't need to be disturbed.
"yea they wanted to get married, but the party secretary wouldn't approve of it because she was japanese."
without me asking, grandma continued...
"she was a music teacher in our troupe during the revolution. xiaosong 小松 was her name (i was curious and looked up the japanese original: komatsu). our unit was responsible for boosting morale, putting on plays, musicals and choral numbers. your grandpa was the head of that unit (he was completely self taught, not only directing but composing and conducting original works... a total badass).
"she wasn't very tall or great looking compared to some of the other girls, but she was a genuine person and they were serious. after they were told no, they separated, and it was actually xiaosong who told me to pursue things with your grandpa. she told me that he was a great and kind man."
i had so many questions but was was also totally speechless. i was taken aback by her openness and willingness to share, but was most suprised by the calmness in her voice. she didn't seem burdened with complicated emotions.
"grandma, did you worry about any leftover feelings they might've had?"
"that i can understand. she was a good person and they didn't do anything wrong. feelings were genuine and there's nothing you can do about that. later on, we would have lunch together when she was in town. this is all before she went back to japan.
"your grandpa and i had a great life together. i did everything i could to care for him and our family. he respected me and never laid a finger on me. that's what i asked for when we got married, to be treated with respect."
maybe this is what makes some loves great.