diff --git a/ibis/backends/duckdb/__init__.py b/ibis/backends/duckdb/__init__.py
index 7b17773631e54..b1f5a1f074532 100644
--- a/ibis/backends/duckdb/__init__.py
+++ b/ibis/backends/duckdb/__init__.py
@@ -1609,8 +1609,8 @@ def _in_memory_table_exists(self, name: str) -> bool:
             return True
 
     def _register_in_memory_table(self, op: ops.InMemoryTable) -> None:
-        if hasattr(op.data, "to_pyarrow_lazy"):
-            self.con.register(op.name, op.data.to_pyarrow_lazy(op.schema))
+        if hasattr(op.data, "to_pyarrow_dataset"):
+            self.con.register(op.name, op.data.to_pyarrow_dataset(op.schema))
         else:
             self.con.register(op.name, op.data.to_pyarrow(op.schema))
 
diff --git a/ibis/backends/tests/test_client.py b/ibis/backends/tests/test_client.py
index 4b0b2d6ab65bd..652592642911a 100644
--- a/ibis/backends/tests/test_client.py
+++ b/ibis/backends/tests/test_client.py
@@ -929,7 +929,26 @@ def test_self_join_memory_table(backend, con, monkeypatch):
             lambda: ds.dataset(pa.table({"a": ["a"], "b": [1]})),
             "df_arrow_dataset",
             marks=[
-                pytest.mark.notimpl(["polars"]),
+                pytest.mark.notimpl(
+                    [
+                        "bigquery",
+                        "clickhouse",
+                        "exasol",
+                        "impala",
+                        "mssql",
+                        "mysql",
+                        "oracle",
+                        "postgres",
+                        "pyspark",
+                        "risingwave",
+                        "snowflake",
+                        "sqlite",
+                        "trino",
+                    ],
+                    raises=com.UnsupportedOperationError,
+                    reason="we don't materialize datasets to avoid perf footguns",
+                ),
+                pytest.mark.notimpl(["polars"], raises=NotImplementedError),
             ],
             id="pyarrow dataset",
         ),
diff --git a/ibis/formats/pyarrow.py b/ibis/formats/pyarrow.py
index 53d1e728d9e82..cb968b6a6b16d 100644
--- a/ibis/formats/pyarrow.py
+++ b/ibis/formats/pyarrow.py
@@ -1,11 +1,11 @@
 from __future__ import annotations
 
-from functools import cached_property
 from typing import TYPE_CHECKING, Any
 
 import pyarrow as pa
 import pyarrow_hotfix  # noqa: F401
 
+import ibis.common.exceptions as com
 import ibis.expr.datatypes as dt
 from ibis.expr.schema import Schema
 from ibis.formats import DataMapper, SchemaMapper, TableProxy, TypeMapper
@@ -349,8 +349,15 @@ def to_polars(self, schema: Schema) -> pl.DataFrame:
 
 
 class PyArrowDatasetProxy(TableProxy):
-    __slots__ = ("obj", "__dict__")
+    __slots__ = ("obj",)
     obj: V
+    """You are trying to use a PyArrow Dataset with a backend
+            that will require materializing the entire dataset in local
+            memory.
+
+            If you would like to materialize this dataset, please construct the
+            memtable directly by running `ibis.memtable(my_dataset.to_table())`
+            """
 
     def __init__(self, obj: V):
         self.obj = obj
@@ -362,30 +369,42 @@ def __len__(self):
     def __hash__(self):
         return hash(self.obj)
 
-    @cached_property
-    def _cache(self):
-        return self.obj.to_table()
-
     def to_frame(self) -> pd.DataFrame:
-        """Convert this input to a pandas DataFrame."""
-        return self._cache.to_pandas()
+        raise com.UnsupportedOperationError(
+            """You are trying to use a PyArrow Dataset with a backend
+            that will require materializing the entire dataset in local
+            memory.
+
+            If you would like to materialize this dataset, please construct the
+            memtable directly by running `ibis.memtable(my_dataset.to_table())`
+            """
+        )
 
     def to_pyarrow(self, schema: Schema) -> pa.Table:
-        """Convert this input to a PyArrow Table."""
-        return self._cache
+        raise com.UnsupportedOperationError(
+            """You are trying to use a PyArrow Dataset with a backend
+            that will require materializing the entire dataset in local
+            memory.
 
-    def to_pyarrow_lazy(self, schema: Schema) -> ds.Dataset:
+            If you would like to materialize this dataset, please construct the
+            memtable directly by running `ibis.memtable(my_dataset.to_table())`
+            """
+        )
+
+    def to_pyarrow_dataset(self, schema: Schema) -> ds.Dataset:
         """Return the dataset object itself.
 
         Use with backends that can perform pushdowns into dataset objects.
         """
         return self.obj
 
-    def to_polars(self, schema: Schema) -> pl.DataFrame:
-        """Convert this input to a Polars DataFrame."""
-        import polars as pl
-
-        from ibis.formats.polars import PolarsData
+    def to_polars(self, schema: Schema) -> pa.Table:
+        raise com.UnsupportedOperationError(
+            """You are trying to use a PyArrow Dataset with a backend
+            that will require materializing the entire dataset in local
+            memory.
 
-        df = pl.from_arrow(self._cache)
-        return PolarsData.convert_table(df, schema)
+            If you would like to materialize this dataset, please construct the
+            memtable directly by running `ibis.memtable(my_dataset.to_table())`
+            """
+        )