diff --git a/iroh-relay/src/server/client.rs b/iroh-relay/src/server/client.rs
index d4361dd8bd..90fccc469f 100644
--- a/iroh-relay/src/server/client.rs
+++ b/iroh-relay/src/server/client.rs
@@ -9,6 +9,7 @@ use futures_sink::Sink;
 use futures_util::{SinkExt, Stream, StreamExt};
 use iroh_base::NodeId;
 use iroh_metrics::{inc, inc_by};
+use rand::Rng;
 use tokio::sync::mpsc::{self, error::TrySendError};
 use tokio_util::{sync::CancellationToken, task::AbortOnDropHandle};
 use tracing::{debug, error, instrument, trace, warn, Instrument};
@@ -220,11 +221,23 @@ impl Actor {
     }
 
     async fn run_inner(&mut self, done: CancellationToken) -> Result<()> {
-        let jitter = Duration::from_secs(5);
-        let mut keep_alive = tokio::time::interval(KEEP_ALIVE + jitter);
+        // Add some jitter to ping pong interactions, to avoid all pings being sent at the same time
+        let next_interval = || {
+            let random_secs = rand::rngs::OsRng.gen_range(1..=5);
+            Duration::from_secs(random_secs) + KEEP_ALIVE
+        };
+
+        let mut keep_alive = tokio::time::interval(next_interval());
         // ticks immediately
         keep_alive.tick().await;
 
+        const PING_TIMEOUT: Duration = Duration::from_secs(10);
+        let mut ping_timeout = tokio::time::interval(PING_TIMEOUT);
+        // ticks immediately
+        ping_timeout.tick().await;
+        let mut last_ping_data = [0u8; 8];
+        let mut waiting_for_ping = false;
+
         loop {
             tokio::select! {
                 biased;
@@ -236,7 +249,22 @@ impl Actor {
                     break;
                 }
                 maybe_frame = self.stream.next() => {
-                    self.handle_frame(maybe_frame).await.context("handle read")?;
+                    trace!(?maybe_frame, "handle incoming frame");
+                    let frame = match maybe_frame {
+                        Some(frame) => frame?,
+                        None => anyhow::bail!("stream terminated"),
+                    };
+                    match frame {
+                        Frame::Pong { data } => {
+                            if waiting_for_ping && data == last_ping_data {
+                                // clear outstanding ping
+                                waiting_for_ping = false;
+                            } else {
+                                warn!("unexpected pong data: {:?}", data);
+                            }
+                        },
+                        _ => self.handle_frame(frame).await.context("handle read")?,
+                    }
                 }
                 // First priority, disco packets
                 packet = self.disco_send_queue.recv() => {
@@ -254,11 +282,22 @@ impl Actor {
                     trace!("node_id gone: {:?}", node_id);
                     self.write_frame(Frame::NodeGone { node_id }).await?;
                 }
+                _ = ping_timeout.tick(), if waiting_for_ping => {
+                    trace!("pong timed out");
+                    break;
+                }
                 _ = keep_alive.tick() => {
-                    trace!("keep alive");
-                    self.write_frame(Frame::KeepAlive).await?;
+                    trace!("keep alive ping");
+                    // new interval
+                    keep_alive.reset_after(next_interval());
+                    rand::rngs::OsRng.fill(&mut last_ping_data);
+                    self.write_frame(Frame::Ping { data: last_ping_data }).await?;
+
+                    ping_timeout.reset();
+                    waiting_for_ping = true;
                 }
             }
+
             self.stream.flush().await.context("tick flush")?;
         }
         Ok(())
@@ -315,12 +354,7 @@ impl Actor {
     }
 
     /// Handles frame read results.
-    async fn handle_frame(&mut self, maybe_frame: Option<Result<Frame>>) -> Result<()> {
-        trace!(?maybe_frame, "handle incoming frame");
-        let frame = match maybe_frame {
-            Some(frame) => frame?,
-            None => anyhow::bail!("stream terminated"),
-        };
+    async fn handle_frame(&mut self, frame: Frame) -> Result<()> {
         match frame {
             Frame::SendPacket { dst_key, packet } => {
                 let packet_len = packet.len();