The world's smallest violin, now as a Service (SaaS)
Enterprise-grade empathy delivery for first-world problems
MicroViolin.js is a vital piece of internet infrastructure designed to provide scale-appropriate empathy for trivial inconveniences. Built with cutting-edge technology including AI, blockchain, quantum computing, and Comic Sans MS.
- ✅ Enterprise-Grade - Because sympathy should be professional
- ✅ Zero Dependencies - Except your tears
- ✅ Real-Time Monitoring - Automatically detects console errors, warnings, and exceptions
- ✅ Sad Trombone Integration - Plays authentic sound effects for maximum impact
- ✅ Responsive Design - Delivers sympathy on any device
- ✅ AMD/CommonJS Support - Works in every environment (unlike your project)
- ✅ Blockchain-Ready - For when you need decentralized sympathy
- ✅ Cloud-Native - Scales infinitely (just like your complaints)
- ✅ ISO 9001 Certified* - Quality sympathy, guaranteed
- ✅ GDPR Compliant* - Your tiny problems are private
*Not actually certified or compliant. But we say we are.
<script src="https://cdn.example.com/MicroViolin.js"></script>npm install microviolinjs --saveDownload MicroViolin.js and include it in your project:
<script src="path/to/MicroViolin.js"></script>- Someone complains about a trivial problem
- Send them this link:
https://tomgould.github.io/MicroViolin/ - Watch as they receive perfectly calibrated sympathy
- Profit (emotionally)
<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<script src="MicroViolin.js"></script>
</head>
<body>
<div id="sympathy-container"></div>
<script>
// Deploy sympathy immediately
MicroViolin.show('sympathy-container');
</script>
</body>
</html>Displays a random violin meme in the specified container and plays the sad trombone.
Parameters:
containerId(string) - The ID of the DOM element to contain the violin
Example:
MicroViolin.show('my-container');Enables or disables the sad trombone audio that plays on console errors.
Parameters:
enabled(boolean) - Whether audio should be enabled
Example:
// Disable audio (you monster)
MicroViolin.setAudioEnabled(false);
// Re-enable audio
MicroViolin.setAudioEnabled(true);Returns the current audio enabled state.
Returns: boolean
Example:
if (MicroViolin.isAudioEnabled()) {
console.log('Sad trombone is ready to deploy');
}Adds a custom violin meme to the collection.
Parameters:
url(string) - URL of the violin image/GIF
Example:
MicroViolin.addViolin('https://example.com/my-tiny-violin.gif');Returns the total number of violins in the collection.
Returns: number
Example:
console.log(`We have ${MicroViolin.getViolinCount()} violins ready to deploy`);Returns the current version of MicroViolin.js.
Example:
console.log(MicroViolin.version); // "1.0.0"By default, MicroViolin.js monitors your console and automatically plays the iconic Sad Trombone sound whenever:
- A
console.error()is called - A
console.warn()is called - A global error occurs
- An unhandled promise rejection occurs
Place the Sad_Trombone.mp3 file in the same directory as MicroViolin.js, or update the path in the configuration.
Perfect for:
- ☕ Coffee isn't the right temperature
- 📱 Phone battery is below 50%
- 🍕 Pizza delivery took 31 minutes instead of 30
- 💼 Having to attend more than 2 Zoom meetings in a day
- 🥑 Avocado isn't perfectly ripe
- 📧 Receiving more than 10 emails before lunch
- 🚗 Traffic light turned red before you got there
- 📱 WiFi is only 3 bars instead of 4
- ☕ Ran out of oat milk (regular milk is unacceptable)
- 🖥️ Computer took 8 seconds to boot instead of 5
We welcome contributions! Here's how you can help:
- Fork the repository
- Add your violin meme to the
violinMemesarray inMicroViolin.js - Commit with a message like "Added even tinier violin"
- Push to your fork
- Submit a Pull Request
Please ensure your violin is appropriately tiny and your commitment to sarcasm is genuine.
See CONTRIBUTING.md for more details (yes, we have a formal contribution guide, because we're that serious).
MicroViolin.js works in all modern browsers and some ancient ones:
- ✅ Chrome (last 2 versions)
- ✅ Firefox (last 2 versions)
- ✅ Safari (last 2 versions)
- ✅ Edge (last 2 versions)
- ✅ IE11 (if you're still using it, you need this more than most)
- ✅ Opera (for the 3 people still using it)
- ✅ Netscape Navigator (theoretically)
Found a security vulnerability in our sympathy delivery system? Please see SECURITY.md for our responsible disclosure policy.
(Yes, we have a security policy for a joke library. We're very thorough.)
MIT License - See LICENSE file for details.
TL;DR: Do whatever you want with this. We're not your parents.
- The concept of the "world's smallest violin" gesture
- Every person who has ever complained about a first-world problem
- The inventors of Comic Sans MS (for the perfect font choice)
- The sad trombone sound effect creators
- Coffee shops that serve lattes with imperfect foam art
- Anyone who has ever said "I'm literally dying" when they weren't
Need 24/7 support for your sympathy infrastructure? Enterprise plans available starting at $99,999/month.
Features include:
- Dedicated account manager (who will also judge your problems)
- Custom violin memes (bespoke sympathy)
- SLA guarantee: 99.999% uptime (for something that shouldn't need uptime)
- White-label options (rebrand the sympathy as your own)
- Blockchain integration (because why not)
- Machine learning-powered violin selection (AI chooses the best violin for your specific complaint)
Contact: enterprise@microviolinjs.com
- Lines of Code: 420 (nice)
- Code Coverage: 100%*
- Performance: Blazingly fast†
- Scalability: Infinite‡
- Reliability: Probably§
*No tests were harmed (or written) in the making of this library †Compared to a real violin ‡In theory §We make no guarantees
- Discord - Join the sympathy discussion
- Twitter - Follow for tiny updates
- Reddit - Share your first-world problems
If this library has helped you deliver appropriate levels of sympathy to the mildly inconvenienced, please consider starring this repository!
Each star represents one person who acknowledges the importance of perspective in a world full of trivial complaints.
- Version 2.0: Even smaller violins
- Blockchain integration (for decentralized sympathy)
- Machine learning violin recommendation engine
- Mobile app (iOS & Android)
- Smart home integration ("Alexa, show them a tiny violin")
- Quantum violin entanglement
- VR/AR violin experiences
- Violin-as-a-Service API (VaaS)
- IPO in 2026
Made with 💔 and a complete lack of sympathy
MicroViolin.js - Because sometimes people just need to hear the world's smallest violin.