We take the security of MicroViolin.js extremely seriously. As a critical piece of internet infrastructure for delivering appropriately-sized sympathy, any security vulnerability could have devastating consequences for first-world problem sufferers worldwide.

We currently support the following versions with security updates:

Modern browsers restrict audio auto-play. This may impact our sad trombone deployment capabilities. This is a browser security feature, not a bug in our code. We recommend:

1. User interaction before playing audio
2. Unmuting your speakers
3. Accepting that sometimes life doesn't give you sad trombones

Violin memes are loaded from external domains (Giphy, Imgur, etc.). These are subject to:

• Third-party availability
• Content policy changes
• Potential violations of good taste

Mitigation: Self-host your violin memes for maximum security and reliability.

MicroViolin.js overrides console.error and console.warn to play sad trombones. This could theoretically:

• Interfere with debugging
• Mask actual serious errors
• Make you question your life choices

Mitigation: Use MicroViolin.setAudioEnabled(false) during development.

Prolonged exposure to Comic Sans MS may cause:

• Designer emotional distress
• Typography nightmares
• Loss of professional credibility

Mitigation: There is no mitigation. This is a feature, not a bug.

If you discover a security vulnerability in MicroViolin.js, please follow these steps:

Please do not open a public GitHub issue for security vulnerabilities. Let's keep the bad guys in the dark (and away from our violins).

Email: security@microviolinjs.com

Include:

• Description of the vulnerability
• Steps to reproduce
• Potential impact
• Your contact information
• Suggested fix (if you have one)

We aim to respond within:

• 24 hours: Initial acknowledgment
• 7 days: Initial assessment
• 30 days: Fix or mitigation plan
• 90 days: Public disclosure (if appropriate)

We follow a coordinated disclosure process:

1. We acknowledge your report
2. We investigate and develop a fix
3. We release the fix
4. We publicly disclose (with credit to you, if desired)
5. Everyone gets a tiny violin

• Regularly clear your browser cache (violins may become stale)
• Use HTTPS when possible
• Don't share links to MicroViolin with people who have real problems
• Keep your expectations appropriately low

• Content Security Policy (CSP): Allow external images from violin meme sources
• Audio Loading: Ensure Sad_Trombone.mp3 is accessible
• HTTPS: Serve over HTTPS in production
• Subresource Integrity (SRI): Consider using SRI hashes when loading from CDN

Example CSP:

Content-Security-Policy: img-src 'self' https://media.giphy.com https://i.imgur.com; media-src 'self';

• This is likely a user error, not a security issue
• Check your container ID
• Ensure JavaScript is enabled
• Confirm you're not using Netscape Navigator

• Your browser may block auto-play
• Check your volume
• Ensure the audio file exists
• Consider that maybe you don't deserve a sad trombone

• This is a feature, not a vulnerability
• Sarcasm levels are carefully calibrated
• If you can't handle it, this library isn't for you

• This is exactly the intended behavior
• Working as designed
• No patch needed

We have a comprehensive bug bounty program:

Rewards:

• 🎻 Critical vulnerability: One (1) imaginary tiny violin
• 🎻 High severity: Half (0.5) of an imaginary tiny violin
• 🎻 Medium severity: A quarter (0.25) of an imaginary tiny violin
• 🎻 Low severity: A stern look and a nod of acknowledgment

Payment: In exposure and internet fame

We will notify users of security updates through:

• GitHub Security Advisories
• Release notes
• Carrier pigeon (for critical issues)
• Smoke signals (for extremely critical issues)

Subscribe to our repository to receive notifications.

MicroViolin.js has zero runtime dependencies. This means:

• ✅ No npm dependency vulnerabilities
• ✅ No supply chain attacks
• ✅ No node_modules black hole
• ✅ Just good old-fashioned vanilla JavaScript

Dev Dependencies: These are all fake. We don't actually depend on blockchain integration or quantum empathy engines.

MicroViolin.js is compliant* with:

• ISO 9001 (Quality Management)
• GDPR (General Data Protection Regulation)
• HIPAA (if you squint really hard)
• SOC 2 (in spirit)
• PCI DSS (we don't handle payments, so... yes?)

^{*Not actually certified for any of these. But we thought about it.}

In the event of a security incident:

1. Containment: Immediately stop serving affected code
2. Investigation: Determine scope and impact
3. Remediation: Develop and deploy fix
4. Communication: Notify affected users
5. Post-Mortem: Learn from our mistakes
6. Violin: Play an appropriately-sized violin for ourselves

This software is provided "as is" without warranty of any kind. We're not responsible for:

• Emotional damage from receiving a tiny violin
• Increased self-awareness about trivial problems
• Excessive use of Comic Sans MS
• Audio annoyance from sad trombones
• Any other consequence of using this library

We're not liable for anything. This is a joke library. If you're using it for critical infrastructure, please reconsider your life choices.

Have questions about security? Contact us at security@microviolinjs.com

We'll respond with appropriate levels of seriousness and tiny violins.

Remember: The greatest security vulnerability is taking yourself too seriously. 🎻

Last updated: 2024